A Message from the Food and Drug Administration 08 25 2011

A Message from the Food and Drug Administration 08 25 2011

Unbenounced to the American Public we have been conducting autopsied specimens of African Americans. We were informed under Presidential directive to do this as their breath was causing disease in others.  The secret code name, for their breath disorder that initiated our concern to investigate further, was called Eyeball Curdle. From spectral analysis of the dissected layers of tissue we have been able to determine that their flesh was not that of normal human beings.  What we have been consistently finding is that their flesh is the consistency of fried chicken and Milk Dudds.

We have not drawn any conclusions with regard to why there flesh is the consistency of Fried Chicken and Milk Dudds, so we have not been able to fund the development of any new drugs to treat this flesh consistency illness.

There is some evidence that Eyeball Curdle disease is part of endemic liver, pancreatic and gastrointestinal illness.  But we at the FDA have chosen not to regulate these disorders or fund development of treatments for them.  Instead we have taken the approach that these are not diseases at all and that any complications from code name Eyeball Curdle should funneled into new drug development funded by our government and ultimately that responsibility rests on the United States taxpayer, so we have asked for increase funding with regards to Eyeball Curdle so that new drugs can be developed to address this concern which is only in the initial stages of understanding. 

We at the FDA are committed to bringing forth new drugs at a fast track rate to address the health concerns of United States Citizens so do not worry when you experience Eyeball Curdle.  Our preliminary advice is to avoid face to face contact with anyone that you have experienced has given you Eyeball Curdle.  We do not believe there is sufficient cause to quarantine anyone who is an Eyeball Curdler at this time.  And we have found that the disease is also prevalent in Italian, Hispanic and Caucasian Americans. 

The FDA has found no connection whatsoever between Fried Chicken and Milk Dudd’s as it relates to the flesh samples and Eyeball Curdler’s.  In fact quite to the contrary we find that chicken is a good source of white meat and Milk Dudd’s are indeed a good tasting candy snack.  And it has been proven that low blood sugar often leads to lower academic ability.

Sincerely,

Chairmen of the Food and Drug Administration

By Thomas Paul Murphy

Copyright 2011 Thomas Paul Murphy

Originally published on 08 25 2011 at: http://www.themilwaukeeandwisconsinnews.blogspot.com/