I was the exact same way! EXACTLY THAT WAY! In the gospel of Barnabas it tells how they committed genocide to those who they would cut with a knife that would not do anything in their own defense. They were talking about the Prophets! Amal what you are experiencing is the introversion or internalizing of emotions that are true to yourself but which other people had made you suppressed because those thoughts personally offended them because they themselves were not up to par. There is only one way to over come that! It is to just let it out under your breath! A nun taught my father that! She called it ejaculate! It means a sudden outburst of speech! Don't hold it inside! And it is best to first do in under your breath so that if anyone calls you in it with a violent threat as in "What'd you say to me!!!" You reply, "Oh nothing!" But never stop doing it! And it is the only way you are going to survive! You must learn to express yourself true to your emotions! For 2 reasons! 1. The dependent minded like that honesty. 2. If you do not it will make you sick! Rather the person that can't think for themselves becomes sick and dies than you or I who have a high demand for our human consciousness as is evidenced by the voices we hear that are always intruding upon it! Try it! You will be self empowered! And then when people do it to you you will see that theirs is completely based on youthful immaturity that they were never forced to grow out of!
Copyright 2014 Thomas Paul Murphy