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Thomas Paul Murphy

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Bastard Son’s of Elmo Bunk (A short story by Thomas Paul Murphy)

The Bastard Son’s of Elmo Bunk (A short story by Thomas Paul Murphy)

“Who knew that drug user would be such a productive member of society!  It turns out that no one was more religious than he was…creating all those bastards per the pro-life Catholic Doctrine,” the reverend said to his brown toothed assistant Leroy who had dug the grave.
“They are everywhere aren’t they.  The other day I was watching television and I said to my hog, look there’s one up there on the podium telling everyone to get a job!  It just goes to show you how wrong everybody was a about son’s not of their biological father…to make good like he did!”

“I saw another one the other day in the locker room, he was coming his hair and asking the adult men if they found him attractive!  With the way they are seeking to allow gay marriages today looks like that one will be way ahead of his time!” the reverend added.

“Even Margaret Harries has one!  She got sired at one of those elite parties!  We need to build a statue of Elmo for all the good he done us!”
“How come that one don’t work?”

“His momma told him that he would be a professional cross country skier but it turns out he wasn’t good at it.  He’s been on holiday ever since college.”
“Too bad Elmo is dead and gone now and he won’t be able to have any more sons.”
“Oh no that isn’t true, Elmo donated quite frequently to the sperm bank.”
“Do you think it would still be good?”
“Shucks they had some device like a breathalyzer that squad cars used.  If his milk had over a 20% reading they just would take it.”
“Now you mentioned that one of them didn’t do well in life.  Did any of the other ones have problems that limited their productivity in life….were any not able to learn in school?”
“Actually quite a few of them were unable to learn in school.  But it didn’t matter!  Elmo was able to please all the singles women in the village!  Every one that needed to get pregnant he was right there for them!  Didn’t have to draw straws or nothing….oh you asked if they weren’t able to learn in school?  Thanks to that Polish Pope some time ago who figured it out for us, them ones were able to learn by what is called a community father!”
“A community father?  What’s that?”
“It a man they tortured for his human soul!  You know the old saying the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one!”
“Shore do.  But how would you like the be the one that serves as the benefit to the rest of them?”
“Mind what you say reverend, Elmo was my father too!”

Thomas Paul Murphy
Originally published on 06 25 2014 at:
Copyright 2014 Thomas Paul Murphy

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